We are Still a Team

My son and I were a team. I’ve been a solo parent most of my 17 year parenting career; and Sawyer and I had become an unshakeable team before he died.

We endured, and always thrived through, extraordinary experiences and circumstances. We survived trauma at the hands of those who tried to harm us. Sawyer persevered through said trauma-related PTSD and related anxiety.

We pushed through the difficult learning curves of learning from home during covid, and flourished in our homeschool environment I had created. No matter the challenges thrown our way, Sawyer and I always came out thriving, and on top.

It wasn’t always easy, or pretty. The traumas Sawyer (and I) survived left ugly, gaping wounds. The struggles with resulting bouts of mental health instabilities were dark, and scary. There was never a doubt in my mind; however, that together, we were unshakeable. We could do anything, overcome anything; climb any mountain, survive any tumble. 

I teach my children that suffering is not unique; the details and stories may be, but suffering is what we as humans are here to experience. People survive traumas and tribulations every day, all the time. It is what we do next that matters most.

It is how we turn the pain into power that differentiates the warriors from the rest. We are survivors, yes; but more importantly, we are thrivers. Sawyer changed the world with his warrior wisdom during his lifetime.

It has occurred to me, only recently, that Sawyer and I are still a powerful team. Possibly even more powerful. The story of Sawyer’s life and death, the legend he has become, continues to rock the world and change the lives of not only those that knew him, but those that are just learning of him since his death.

As the bearer of Sawyer’s flame, I carry his torch; singing his praise, telling his story far and wide. I am proud of the ways in which I am thriving after surviving his death; as his mother, I am the physical human carrier and story teller of his legacy. And, I know he is proud.

I am beginning to accept, appreciate, and allow myself to see the new ways in which our work together continues. We have evolved into a celestial force that is to be reckoned with. And, it is timeless. It is unshakeable. 

The children we have lost to the heavens are here to guide us; if we let them. It is only after nearly three years since his death that I have started to come around to this notion.

When I am told, "they are always with you,” it makes me want to scream; because they are Not here. They are There, now.

However; I’m starting to see there is more truth to that statement than meets my eye.

Together, Sawyer and I can do anything.